Leviticus 17 | On Consumption of Blood and Roadkill

God tells Moses to tell people:

1.  Native Israelites sacrificing animals anywhere except the Tentmoot should be aware that such an act is tantamount to murder.  Such a person has shed blood and will be cut off from the community.  Y'all need to stop sacrificing your animals in the open fields.  Bring the animals to the priest so it can be done right.

Also if any of you--native or foreign--offers a burnt offering outside the Tentmoot, you will be 86ed from the Israelite community.

2.  Don't consume blood.  That's messed up.  You don't just go drinkin' something's life force!  Neither the native Israelites or foreigners living with you may consume blood or I will turn on you and you will be alienated.
"Looks at this guys.  He ams asleeps in some bloods too!"
3.  If any of you go out a-huntin' and manage to successfully kill something with any meat on its bones in this vast desert (and, y'know, more power to you, best of luck, may Dick Cheney be far away from the side of your face, and all that), ya gotta remember to drain all the blood out of the animal and bury the blood.

4.  If you happen upon a fleshy foodworthy corpse just corpsin' about, lyin' on the ground--maybe it just up and died, maybe Edward Scissorhands tried to give it scritchies, or maybe it was torn to shreds by wolverines on crack--and you decide to nom upon it, you gotta wash your clothes and bathe in water.  You'll be ceremonially unclean until evening, after which point you'll be clean again.  If you fail to wash your clothes and bathe yourself, you will be punished.
OMNOMNOMNOM CEREMONIAL DEFILEMENT OMNOMNOMNOMNOM WOOO UNICORN ROADKILL

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