Leviticus 27 | The Divine Pawn Shop
God told Moses to tell the Israelites that Matt's really tired of typing the phrase "God told Moses to tell the Israelites."
He didn't really. It probably didn't cross his mind at the time, and if it did, I would be but a lowly scribe, and therefore would be expendable and likely horrifically murdered in the manner of Aaron's sons earlier on for the wrong incense. Here's a quick reminder of what happened to them, and by which I can only dream to measure the outpouring of wrath upon my person for growing weary of something so trivial:
Moving on, though, he told Moses to tell 'em all this stuff:
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If you wanna make a special vow to dedicate somebody to me by giving the equivalent value, males are worth more than females, and the breakdown is as follows:
You can vow other stuff using the Divine Pawn Shop program.
If they vowed an animal, it's gotta be an awesome one, and it becomes holy and can't be exchanged or substituted for a crappy animal. Trying to substitute one animal for the other makes 'em both unholy. If they vow an unclean animal, it's to be brought to the priest, who will assess its value.
If the owner wants to redeem the animal, it's at interest of 20%.
Other stuff you can dedicate is your house (assessed by the priest--20% interest for redemption), your family's land (value set by seed required for it, and complications in the Year of Jubilee--20% interest for redemption), and a purchased field not belonging to your family.
You may NOT dedicate the firstborn of an animal, since that's mine already. Despite clear rules for redemption of things devoted to me just a couple lines up in this chapter, I hereby assert that nothing devoted to me--no human, no animal, no land--can be sold or redeemed because it's mine and I love it and u no can haz.
A tithe of everything from the land--grain, fruit, etc.--belongs to me. If you want it, add 20% value to it, but don't redeem it 'cause it's mine. I don't know why you're writing this down, Moses, I've obviously not got this figured out yet. It's... it's already in the freakin' book now, eh? I just... I'd appreciate your input here. I'm not really sure where I'm going with all this, man.
You're still writing? I can't believe this.
Moses, you're a dumb-ass.
He didn't really. It probably didn't cross his mind at the time, and if it did, I would be but a lowly scribe, and therefore would be expendable and likely horrifically murdered in the manner of Aaron's sons earlier on for the wrong incense. Here's a quick reminder of what happened to them, and by which I can only dream to measure the outpouring of wrath upon my person for growing weary of something so trivial:
 |
| Oh. Right. Immolation-death after a divine tantrum 'cause they burned the wrong kind of incense. |
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If you wanna make a special vow to dedicate somebody to me by giving the equivalent value, males are worth more than females, and the breakdown is as follows:
 |
| SOURCE: God pulled these numbers out of his mystical, shiny ass. |
If they vowed an animal, it's gotta be an awesome one, and it becomes holy and can't be exchanged or substituted for a crappy animal. Trying to substitute one animal for the other makes 'em both unholy. If they vow an unclean animal, it's to be brought to the priest, who will assess its value.
 |
| "I.... I don't even..... Moses, can you ask God if he's into a Snorlax? This is just blowing my MIND." |
Other stuff you can dedicate is your house (assessed by the priest--20% interest for redemption), your family's land (value set by seed required for it, and complications in the Year of Jubilee--20% interest for redemption), and a purchased field not belonging to your family.
You may NOT dedicate the firstborn of an animal, since that's mine already. Despite clear rules for redemption of things devoted to me just a couple lines up in this chapter, I hereby assert that nothing devoted to me--no human, no animal, no land--can be sold or redeemed because it's mine and I love it and u no can haz.
A tithe of everything from the land--grain, fruit, etc.--belongs to me. If you want it, add 20% value to it, but don't redeem it 'cause it's mine. I don't know why you're writing this down, Moses, I've obviously not got this figured out yet. It's... it's already in the freakin' book now, eh? I just... I'd appreciate your input here. I'm not really sure where I'm going with all this, man.
You're still writing? I can't believe this.
Moses, you're a dumb-ass.
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