Leviticus 11 - 13 | They're unrelated enough to get their own little titles within the text
Levitucus 11 | U can nomz, u no can nomz
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Leviticus 11 is just a list of animals the Israelites were allowed (and were not allowed) to eat and the conditions under which they were (or were not) allowed to eat them.
It's also reiterated (because, y'know, ya just can't make this point clearly enough) in this chapter that touching rotting corpses of unclean animals is also unclean and will force Aaron to make a corpse of a happy herd creature.
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Leviticus 12 | Childbirth is Dirty
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Bestowing an honorary Ph.D. in LadyParts to Moses, God explained what women are to do after childbirth.
"If a lady gives birth to a son, she will be unclean for a week, just like when Aunt Irma visits."
"On the eighth day," God continued, "the end of the boy's willie is to be lopped off. After waiting 33 days, she'll be clean, but during this time she's not allowed to touch anything set apart as holy and she can't come to the sanctuary."
"Gotcha, but what about daughters?"
"Ah, yes--I'm not a big fan of women, so in the case of a daughter, the mother is unclean for two weeks," God replied. "And uh... 33 twice is 66... yeah. 66 days separated from anything holy, the sanctuary, all that."
"Anything after the waiting time?" inquired Moses.
"Yeah. When that's done and the women are clean, tell 'em to bring a one-year-old lamb for a burnt offering and a young pigeon or turtledove to the entrance of the Tentmoot. The priest will present these to me and she'll be purified. If she can't afford a lamb, she must bring 2 turtledoves or 2 pigeons--one for the burnt offering and one for the purification offering. She'll be on the up-and-up then."
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Leviticus 13 | In Which God Talks About Complexion and Skin Diseases for Some Reason & Treatment of Benastied Raiment
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"Let's say some dude comes in all gnarly n' whatnot from a skin disease. Dude has to go to the priest. The priest will examine it and look for white hairs and other nastifications and, in the event of the presence of white hairs and other nastifications, pronounce this sad sack to be ceremonially unclean. If it ain't that bad, the priest will just quarantine the afflicted dude for a week..."
This went on for a long time. This is all about skin diseases and benastied clothing treatment. I'm done with it, but here's a link to the chapter if you want to actually read this crap.
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Leviticus 11 is just a list of animals the Israelites were allowed (and were not allowed) to eat and the conditions under which they were (or were not) allowed to eat them.
It's also reiterated (because, y'know, ya just can't make this point clearly enough) in this chapter that touching rotting corpses of unclean animals is also unclean and will force Aaron to make a corpse of a happy herd creature.
---
Leviticus 12 | Childbirth is Dirty
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Bestowing an honorary Ph.D. in LadyParts to Moses, God explained what women are to do after childbirth.
"If a lady gives birth to a son, she will be unclean for a week, just like when Aunt Irma visits."
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| "I'VE FALLEN TO THE COMMUNISTS!!!" |
"Gotcha, but what about daughters?"
"Ah, yes--I'm not a big fan of women, so in the case of a daughter, the mother is unclean for two weeks," God replied. "And uh... 33 twice is 66... yeah. 66 days separated from anything holy, the sanctuary, all that."
"Anything after the waiting time?" inquired Moses.
"Yeah. When that's done and the women are clean, tell 'em to bring a one-year-old lamb for a burnt offering and a young pigeon or turtledove to the entrance of the Tentmoot. The priest will present these to me and she'll be purified. If she can't afford a lamb, she must bring 2 turtledoves or 2 pigeons--one for the burnt offering and one for the purification offering. She'll be on the up-and-up then."
---
Leviticus 13 | In Which God Talks About Complexion and Skin Diseases for Some Reason & Treatment of Benastied Raiment
---
"Let's say some dude comes in all gnarly n' whatnot from a skin disease. Dude has to go to the priest. The priest will examine it and look for white hairs and other nastifications and, in the event of the presence of white hairs and other nastifications, pronounce this sad sack to be ceremonially unclean. If it ain't that bad, the priest will just quarantine the afflicted dude for a week..."
This went on for a long time. This is all about skin diseases and benastied clothing treatment. I'm done with it, but here's a link to the chapter if you want to actually read this crap.
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| Seems legit. |
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