LEVITICUS 10 | Domestic Firesmitin'
Aaron's sons, Nadab and Abihu, burned the wrong kind of incense fire in their incense burners, so God burned them alive until they died crispily in front of him.
Moses chastised Aaron by way of saying unrelated crap to him in what was probably something like a mystifying manner, and, dumbstruck, Aaron was silent. Moses then called for the cousins of Nadab and Abihu, whose names were Mishael and Elzaphan, to carry the crispy corpses out of the camp.
"Don't show your grief by leaving your hair uncombed," Moses advised Aaron and his remaining offspring, "or by tearing your clothes. If you do, you will die and God will get pissed at the whole Israelite community. Everyone else may mourn the loss of your sons, but not you. You're not allowed, because you'll die. You must not leave the entrance of the Tentmoot or you will die."
Amazingly, rather than introduce the internal organs of Moses with the business end of a sharpened stick, they obeyed him.
A while later (or immediately afterward, if you feel like subscribing to a literal interpretation of the Bible) Aaron got a stern talkin'-to from Almighty Gawd.
"You and your descendants must never drink wine or any other booze before going into the Tentmoot or you will die. This is a permanent law for you and must be observed through all your generations. You must distinguish between sacred and secular, unclean and clean, and teach the Israelites all the laws given through your broham Moses."
Moses explained to Aaron's sons how and where to eat the bread and meat, and then after much goat-sleuthing, could not find the goat.
"We burned it," they said, and Moses got angry. "Since the animal's blood wasn't brought into the Holy Place, you were s'posed to nom the meat in the sacred area exactly as I told you!" he boomed at them.
Aaron stepped in, finally, and said "today's been a crappy day. Would God have been pleased if I ate the people's sin offering?" Moses then appeared to have taken a kosher chill pill.
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| Sometimes, if you want a burnt offering done right, ya gotta do it yerself. |
"Don't show your grief by leaving your hair uncombed," Moses advised Aaron and his remaining offspring, "or by tearing your clothes. If you do, you will die and God will get pissed at the whole Israelite community. Everyone else may mourn the loss of your sons, but not you. You're not allowed, because you'll die. You must not leave the entrance of the Tentmoot or you will die."
Amazingly, rather than introduce the internal organs of Moses with the business end of a sharpened stick, they obeyed him.
A while later (or immediately afterward, if you feel like subscribing to a literal interpretation of the Bible) Aaron got a stern talkin'-to from Almighty Gawd.
"You and your descendants must never drink wine or any other booze before going into the Tentmoot or you will die. This is a permanent law for you and must be observed through all your generations. You must distinguish between sacred and secular, unclean and clean, and teach the Israelites all the laws given through your broham Moses."
Moses explained to Aaron's sons how and where to eat the bread and meat, and then after much goat-sleuthing, could not find the goat.
 |
| And in that glorious moment, Moses looked and sounded exactly like Wendy's's own Clara Peller (Patty Be Upon Her). |
Aaron stepped in, finally, and said "today's been a crappy day. Would God have been pleased if I ate the people's sin offering?" Moses then appeared to have taken a kosher chill pill.
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