Exodus 5 | In Which Pharaoh Understandably Doubts
Later on, Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said "This is the word of the LORD, the God if the Hebrews. He says: 'Let my people go so they--'"
"Aaron, remember the all-caps thing!" interrupted Moses.
"Right, sorry. He says: 'LET MY PEOPLE GO SO THEY CAN WORSHIP ME IN THE WILDERNESS.'"
Pharaoh demanded an explanation. "Who is this LORD fellow? I have no reason to let Israel go."
"Look, dude, we talked to the LORD and he's pretty scary," said Aaron. "Tried to kill my brother here 'cause his kid's foreskin was still attached. Seriously--unquestioned divine doom over foreskin removal oversight. You really, really don't wanna mess with the God of Israel. Let us go for three days to offer sacrifices or he may throw down some plagues or a heaping spoonful of doom and destruction. Pretty please?"
"Why are you trying to take the people away from their jobs?" Pharaoh bellowed. "Get back to work!"
Later that day Pharaoh ordered the slavedrivers to stop providing straw for the Hebrews to make bricks. "Let 'em get their own durn straw," he said, "but they still have to make the same quota of bricks. They're getting lazy and entertaining notions of leaving for the wilderness to sacrifice to their god. Make them work harder so that they don't have time for such fanciful nonsense."
Naturally, the Hebrews were less than happy with Aaron and Moses. The Israelite slave overseers said to them, "Pharaoh has generalized his contempt for you to all of us. Ya big jerks."
Moses prayed and asked the LORD why he brought trouble to the people, helpfully pointing out that God hasn't rescued the Hebrews at all.
"Aaron, remember the all-caps thing!" interrupted Moses.
"Right, sorry. He says: 'LET MY PEOPLE GO SO THEY CAN WORSHIP ME IN THE WILDERNESS.'"
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| "Srsly? Y'all been hangin' around those Orient folks with the special rocks again?" |
"Look, dude, we talked to the LORD and he's pretty scary," said Aaron. "Tried to kill my brother here 'cause his kid's foreskin was still attached. Seriously--unquestioned divine doom over foreskin removal oversight. You really, really don't wanna mess with the God of Israel. Let us go for three days to offer sacrifices or he may throw down some plagues or a heaping spoonful of doom and destruction. Pretty please?"
"Why are you trying to take the people away from their jobs?" Pharaoh bellowed. "Get back to work!"
Later that day Pharaoh ordered the slavedrivers to stop providing straw for the Hebrews to make bricks. "Let 'em get their own durn straw," he said, "but they still have to make the same quota of bricks. They're getting lazy and entertaining notions of leaving for the wilderness to sacrifice to their god. Make them work harder so that they don't have time for such fanciful nonsense."
Naturally, the Hebrews were less than happy with Aaron and Moses. The Israelite slave overseers said to them, "Pharaoh has generalized his contempt for you to all of us. Ya big jerks."
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| "Der gonna take er jerbs!!!" |
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