Exodus 13 | CloudFirePillarGod Leads the Way
God told Moses that the firstborn male of all Israelites--human or animal--are to be devoted to him.
Moses then told the people, "Remember this as the day the LORD brought you out of Egypt by giving Egypt a Divine Smackdown! NO NOMMING YEAST. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON."
Moses then narrowed his eyes, scowled, and looked intently across the masses.
"Today," he continued, "we're leaving. We're goin' to head to Canaan, the land of milk and honey and what-have-you." Moses explained about the observance of the new Passover thing God talked about in the last chapter.
"After we're in Canaan, you are to give to God the first male offspring of every womb. Women and female animals must consecrate their firstborn males to the LORD. If you have a donkey that has a bouncing baby boy donkey, you must redeem it with a lamb. If you won't redeem it, break its neck."
Everyone was confused, but the scary bearded man was talking about getting them out of Egypt and he had brought with him quite the Divine Smackdown indeed. They continued to listen.
"Explain to your kids what all this means. Explain to them, during the Passover, that this represents the LORD redeeming your people from Egypt. Israel is the firstborn son of God; therefore, every firstborn son of Israel is to be consecrated to God."
When Pharaoh let the Israelites go, God led them via the scenic route so they wouldn't go through Philistine country. "If they face war," said God, "they might change their minds and return to Egypt. Can't have that." So they headed toward the Red Sea, up and out of Egypt, ready for battle.
Moses took the bones of Joseph with him because he'd made the Israelites swear an oath to carry his bones out when God gets them out of Egypt (this oath was in Genesis chapter 50, if anyone's interested. I don't remember if I included it, so Genesis 50:25).
By day, God went ahead of them, disguised not as a burning-but-not-burning bush but as a pillar of cloud to guide the Israelites, preferring such theatrics as opposed to, say, arrows or road signs. By night, he became a pillar of fire. This allowed the Israelites to travel by day or night, and CloudFirePillarGod faithfully remained in his place ahead of the people to lead them.
Moses then told the people, "Remember this as the day the LORD brought you out of Egypt by giving Egypt a Divine Smackdown! NO NOMMING YEAST. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON."
Moses then narrowed his eyes, scowled, and looked intently across the masses.
"Today," he continued, "we're leaving. We're goin' to head to Canaan, the land of milk and honey and what-have-you." Moses explained about the observance of the new Passover thing God talked about in the last chapter.
"After we're in Canaan, you are to give to God the first male offspring of every womb. Women and female animals must consecrate their firstborn males to the LORD. If you have a donkey that has a bouncing baby boy donkey, you must redeem it with a lamb. If you won't redeem it, break its neck."
 |
| How come nobody loves donkeys? :'( |
"Explain to your kids what all this means. Explain to them, during the Passover, that this represents the LORD redeeming your people from Egypt. Israel is the firstborn son of God; therefore, every firstborn son of Israel is to be consecrated to God."
When Pharaoh let the Israelites go, God led them via the scenic route so they wouldn't go through Philistine country. "If they face war," said God, "they might change their minds and return to Egypt. Can't have that." So they headed toward the Red Sea, up and out of Egypt, ready for battle.
 |
| They took the Green Line, which sadly was not a subway train at the time. |
By day, God went ahead of them, disguised not as a burning-but-not-burning bush but as a pillar of cloud to guide the Israelites, preferring such theatrics as opposed to, say, arrows or road signs. By night, he became a pillar of fire. This allowed the Israelites to travel by day or night, and CloudFirePillarGod faithfully remained in his place ahead of the people to lead them.
Comments
Post a Comment