Exodus 11 | Rezombified Cattle and the Dark Side of the LAWD

God told Moses he would bring one more plague on Pharaoh and Egypt.

"After this," God said, "Pharaoh will let you go.  It will be for good.  Tell the Israelites--men and women alike--to ask their neighbors for silver and gold.  If they so desire, they may wear eyepatches, bandanas, and substitute their shins for a stick of wood."

By this time, Pharaoh's officials and the Egyptian people held Moses and Aaron in high regard.

So Moses told Pharaoh what would happen:  "About midnight, God will go throughout Egypt and kill every firstborn son--from the firstborn of Pharaoh to the firstborn of the female slave, as well as all the firstborn of the zombie cattle (aye, they shall die yet again).  The Israelites will be unaffected by this extremely wrathful act.  All of your officials will come to me, bowing down and saying 'GTFO, all of you!'  And then we'll head out."  Moses left Pharaoh in a huff of anger, and as far as this chapter will have you believe did not die as stated at the end of the last chapter.

"Pharaoh will not listen to you," God told Moses.

"What else is new?"

Sho' 'nuff, Pharaoh refused to let the Israelites go.

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