Exodus 10 | Blacker than the Blackest Black, TIMES INFINITY
God told Moses to go to Pharaoh and explained why he'd kept hardening Pharaoh's heart. "I want you to be able to perform all these signs in front of him so that everyone will know from here on out how awesome I am."
Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and asked once again to let the Israelites go. "If you don't," they said, "God will let loose a plague of locusts tomorrow. There will be so many you won't be able to see the ground and they will eat what remains of your hail-ridden country."
Pharaoh's advisors told him to let them go, citing that Egypt had been getting royally screwed of late. Pharaoh called Moses and Aaron and said "fine, go, but just the men."
That didn't sit well with God, who told Moses to put his hands in the air to call forth the locusts.
By morning, an east wind carried locusts by the gigajillions to the point that the three immediately conceiveable spatial dimentions were thick with locusts. To move a few feet in front of oneself, one had to swim through live locustry.
Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron. "Please forgive me once more and have your god take the locusts away."
So Moses left and prayed. A very strong west wind caught the locusts and drove them out into the Red Sea. And again, Pharaoh wouldn't let the Israelites go.
So the LORD told Moses to stretch his hands toward the sky to cause darkness to spread over Egypt. "This will be a profound and palpable darkness," God said. "Blacker than the blackest black, times INFINITY."
Total darkness covered Egypt for three days, but the Israelites had light where they lived. Folks were bumbling all up on each other, stubbin' toes on pyramids and whatnot, and generally not having a very good time.
"Go," Pharaoh reluctantly half-relented. "All of you. Men, women, children, go! Worship your god. But leave your flocks and herds behind."
"Well that won't work," said Moses. "We have to have offerings to make to God. We can't, therefore, leave the offerings behind. We know that we'll have to use some of the animals in worshiping the LORD but until we get there we won't know which."
"Get out of my sight!" bellowed Pharaoh. "Never allow me to see you again! The day you see my face again, you will die."
"All right," replied Moses. "You'll never see me again."
Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and asked once again to let the Israelites go. "If you don't," they said, "God will let loose a plague of locusts tomorrow. There will be so many you won't be able to see the ground and they will eat what remains of your hail-ridden country."
Pharaoh's advisors told him to let them go, citing that Egypt had been getting royally screwed of late. Pharaoh called Moses and Aaron and said "fine, go, but just the men."
That didn't sit well with God, who told Moses to put his hands in the air to call forth the locusts.
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| The day Moses almost invented poledancing. |
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| I'M IN UR PYRAMIDS / NOMMIN YER DED FOLK |
So Moses left and prayed. A very strong west wind caught the locusts and drove them out into the Red Sea. And again, Pharaoh wouldn't let the Israelites go.
So the LORD told Moses to stretch his hands toward the sky to cause darkness to spread over Egypt. "This will be a profound and palpable darkness," God said. "Blacker than the blackest black, times INFINITY."
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| WE WILL MAKE. EVERYTHING. METAL. |
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| Three freakin' days of this yielded many a painful toe. |
"Well that won't work," said Moses. "We have to have offerings to make to God. We can't, therefore, leave the offerings behind. We know that we'll have to use some of the animals in worshiping the LORD but until we get there we won't know which."
"Get out of my sight!" bellowed Pharaoh. "Never allow me to see you again! The day you see my face again, you will die."
"All right," replied Moses. "You'll never see me again."
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