Numbers 11 - Fire n' Whine

Some of the people started complaining about how hard their lives were, so God whipped some fire around their camp and killed off a few of them in the outskirts in his rage.

The remaining people begged Moses to do something to stop the smite-fire and so he prayed and God relented.

"Have some perspective.  Yeah, things are hard, but you could be ON FIRE!!!"

The non-Israelites among them started getting homesick for Egypt, which made the Israelites recall the awesome food they had to eat in Egypt and how they're getting a little bored with this "manna" stuff.

Manna, manna, manna, manna, manna, manna, manna, manna, BATMANNNNN(A)

Moses heard them whining and vented at God, who was getting pissed again.  "Why are you treating me like crap?  What did I ever do to you that I have to take on all these whining jerks?  I ain't they momma!  And now they want meat.  How am I supposed to get them meat?!*  If you're gonna keep treating me like this, just go ahead and kill me."

God told Moses to get seventy elders and leaders of Israel to hang out in the Tentmoot to help him out so he wouldn't have to carry the burden of leading all these whiny brats himself.

"Also," God continued, through the divine equivalent of the clenched teeth of a parent trying to determine the best way to discipline a child, "tell the people that they'll have plenty of meat to eat.  They will have to eat it, and they'll eat it straight for an entire month until they gag and choke and get sick from it."

Then a bunch of quail flew in and hovered three feet above the ground, begging to be caught and cooked.

While many of the people--all of whom caught unfathomably ridiculous amounts of quail and cooked it--were chewing on it, God struck them with a severe plague and they died.

Talk to your kids about suicidal quail before God ends them in a plague-y smite-rage.

After burying the former gluttons, the remaining Israelites went to a place called Hazeroth.